A popular type of relationship nowadays is what I call a situationship. It is a situation whereby he’s always around; you talk multiple times a day, you’re waiting and preparing yourself for the time when he pops the question as your ‘yes’ is ever ready but the question never surfaces.
He hovers around, marks territory and send signals to potential suitors that you are off the market. He would not come out to say he wants you but he doesn’t want anyone to make that move either. It’s not his fault. You allow it because you enjoy it (and sometimes you are the initiator).
There are many benefits to this ship. You have someone to depend on emotionally without the baggage and commitment of a real relationship, you receive the gifts and all the attention. At first you genuinely do not expect it but little by little you find yourself waiting for his call.
You introduce him as just friends, best friend or he’s like a brother to me, any and everything to mark your territory without using boyfriend or fiancé. For how long will this last?
I have heard many of these stories and they seldom end well. It is worse for women because being emotional beings, we are usually the one most likely to imagine what our children will look like from the first hello.
A situationship seems okay until one person starts speaking of marriage with somebody else and now your heart is broken.
I would define it as any relationship you enter by chance. It is not formal nor is it defined. It is a friendship with relationship benefits. Be careful with these wanna-be relationships as it’s not hot nor cold, it needs to be spewed out.
In So you like him? I mentioned how I am the general secretary for the ‘no assumption campaign’. Do not speak for him, do not make excuses for him, do not say it’s implied and do not give extra meaning to the words he actually says. When he says ‘you look beautiful’, say thank you. Even when he goes into great length to say how he loves the way you carry yourself and by extension says he loves you, say thank you.
The bible says guard your heart, that means protect yourself from all this unnecessary emotional turmoil.
You may think that this situationship you are in is better than having nobody in your life, but let me tell you that the having nobody is even better. The emotional satisfaction is going to be short lived and even if you are sure that this is the one for you, then why can’t you wait for him to make the move. It is called delayed gratification.
I have heard many women make excuses for men. How they don’t know what they want, they need a little push or how they don’t know how to treat the people they love? Kindly tell me if you know of a man who does not treat his car well especially when he buys it himself. Or his play-station? It’s not about you, its where his love lies.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be alsoMatthew 6:21 (KJV)
You need to guard your heart. This is an exercise that you do by yourself. If you know you are the type who gets easily carried away with too much niceness then refrain from even friendship with the opposite sex. Ensure that all your relationships are properly defined. Let your platonic be platonic. Your friend is your friend until proven otherwise with both parties verbally expressing their intention to move it to the next level.
Your singleness is not a curse. It is a season in your life that will be over soon enough so, enjoy it. God has a reason for this season too, ensure the reason is accomplished before the next step.
Know your worth. Know that God has a beautiful thing planned out for you and make up your mind to wait on it. When you are confused on whether he or she is your friend or not then a line has probably been crossed. God is not an author of confusion. Any confusion you are experiencing right now did not originate from God, something is definitely wrong.
Set out clear boundaries and be vocal when one is crossed. Sadly, people no longer treat you the way you treat yourself but the way you allow yourself be treated. This is not the time for timidity. Ask why she keeps calling you at a time you are uncomfortable with. Ask why he keeps on showering you with gifts. Ask why he wants to hear your voice first thing every morning. Ask until you get clarity to make wise decisions.
Get used to niceness. Many times, people find themselves in this entanglement as they take every act of niceness as a sign of love. My good friend says everyone deserves pampering. There are nice people still living and breathing in this world. Start being nice to people and get used to receiving such niceness in return.
So, the next time he opens doors for you, smile and say thank you instead of thinking it’s a proposal. The next time she offers to assist you in your home décor, say a big thank you, buy her lunch and don’t push further except you know why you’re pursuing.
It’s such a beautiful thing when two people are on the same page about how they feel about each other and where they are going in life. Define your relationships before you realize you were in them alone.
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